‘Funny Facebook Status’

I had never loved anybody the way I love myself

Say this out loud fast: ”U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q.”

Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

There’s nothing more dangerous than marrying a woman for her beauty and youth

The best memories come from bad ideas.

Aging is boring, but it is the only known way to live long

Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation..

I have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

To avoid criticism you need do nothing, say nothing and be no one

A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.

Dont ruin a Good Today because of a Bad Yesterday

If you do not learn from your mistakes, do not do them at all

The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.

Every person you come across is a ‘People you may know’ notification.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won :)

If I opened a camera store called Photo Shop, do you think I’d get sued by Adobe?

I want everyone to meet you. You’re my favorite person of all time.

I was late for my own funerals