‘Funny Facebook Status’

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

There’s nothing more dangerous than marrying a woman for her beauty and youth

The best memories come from bad ideas.

Aging is boring, but it is the only known way to live long

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation..

It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her.

I have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

To avoid criticism you need do nothing, say nothing and be no one

A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.

Dont ruin a Good Today because of a Bad Yesterday

if I am wired with you then I like you..

I was bored so I said “Wow, that’s a weird place to put a piano.” You wouldn’t believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in an elevator.

If you do not learn from your mistakes, do not do them at all

The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.

Today’s forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day… 😛

Every person you come across is a ‘People you may know’ notification.

You can’t always control who walks into your life. but you can control which window you throw them out of.