‘Funny Facebook Status’

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)

I would rather sing one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rollin, they hatin

I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time . . . . . . . . . lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. :)

I had never loved anybody the way I love myself

Say this out loud fast: ”U R 2 6 C I 1 2 4 Q.”

Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

There’s nothing more dangerous than marrying a woman for her beauty and youth

The best memories come from bad ideas.

Aging is boring, but it is the only known way to live long

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation..

It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her.

I have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

To avoid criticism you need do nothing, say nothing and be no one