‘Funny Facebook Status’

Dont ruin a Good Today because of a Bad Yesterday

if I am wired with you then I like you..

I was bored so I said “Wow, that’s a weird place to put a piano.” You wouldn’t believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in an elevator.

If you do not learn from your mistakes, do not do them at all

The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.

Today’s forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day… 😛

Every person you come across is a ‘People you may know’ notification.

You can’t always control who walks into your life. but you can control which window you throw them out of.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won :)

If I opened a camera store called Photo Shop, do you think I’d get sued by Adobe?

I want everyone to meet you. You’re my favorite person of all time.

I was late for my own funerals

Was that lightning?!” “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…

I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.

I didn’t sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee… I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.

I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?

Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear. Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep :)

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.