‘Funny Facebook Status’

Friends love you for who you are, your wife loves you but wants to change you

Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air then you wave them like you just don’t care

Someone on his status “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s Probably dead.

Open Books, Not Legs. Blow Minds, Not Guy[/quote]

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

Congratulations!!My tallest finger want to give you a standing ovation

There are only two tragedies in life; one is to find your second half and the other is to lose her

Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains .

Men have better life than women do. Firstly they marry later but die sooner

Don’t take life serious. You can’t stay alive anyway

When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

If a man feels bad he’s looking for a woman, if he feels well, he’s looking for another one

If you really want to know what people think about you, make him angry

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings…

Women have the same ability to make mistakes

One night, as I was lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: “What the fuck happened to the roof?”

It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing…

If you really want to know what a woman wants look at her but do not listen to her

It is time to become serious at seventy-seven