‘Funny Facebook Status’

Was that lightning?!” “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…

I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.

I didn’t sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee… I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.

I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?

Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear. Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep :)

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

if history repeats its self I’m totally getting a dinosaur.

I am such a good a cook even the smoke alarm hoots and hollers

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” :)

Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.

Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.

Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.

Bachelors know women better than married men. Otherwise they’d marry too

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

Beer is another proof that God loves us and want us to be happy

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.