‘Facebook Jokes’

When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz

Snooker is the best. Snooker is basically tidying up disguised as sport.

Autocorrect can kiss my ask..!!

Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.

You want a perfect girl? Go buy a barbie.

I don’t always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

Crowded elevators have a different smell to children and midgets.

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.

A relationship without trust is like a phone without service, all you do is play games.

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible…

Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

Listen don’t come back to me because now i have learn slang language…

Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.

I always wondered why The Muppets had such large protruding eyes. I then realized that if I had a hand shoved up my ass my eyes would do the same.

I am making it my job to put the “fun” back into “funeral.”

If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?