‘Facebook Jokes’



Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

Listen don’t come back to me because now i have learn slang language…

Death is God’s way of saying you are fired. Suicide is humans way of saying, I quit.

I always wondered why The Muppets had such large protruding eyes. I then realized that if I had a hand shoved up my ass my eyes would do the same.

I am making it my job to put the “fun” back into “funeral.”

If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?

Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me. Sincerely Wikipedia

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.

Facebook is starting to be like my fridge, I know nothing is there but I keep checking it anyway… rofl.. 🙂

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a cafeteria at a MENTAL HOSPITAL.

Why is Facebook like Jail? “You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don’t really know!”

If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.

Me and my wife decided that we don’t want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym. Now this whole workout was a waste of time.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape :)

Thinks that Facebook should change the status question from “what’s on your mind?” to “what’s your problem today?”

Question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?