‘Facebook Jokes’



In case of fire, exit building before tweeting about it……

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We are totally gonna sleep together.

A man died and sent to Heaven. God was surprised to see his Heart still beating. . God asked him, how come? The man replied, “I’m Dead but my Wife still lives in my Heart”. ;)

When I die I want my body to donate for research, but more specifically to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back to life.

Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 four times. It’s that easy.

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!

Instead of single as a marital status, it should read independently, owned and operated :)

Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

When your GF blocks u on facebook…… Its called an electronic divorce :)

If people could see the face I make when I read their facebook status updates, they would probably unfriend me.

I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.

We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :)

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a girls brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left.

I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

We are the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

It’s not true that I had nothing ON….. The radio was ON. :)

There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

I hate when skinny girls say,”omg I’m so fat”. If you are fat does that make me a whale?